Through the hardest times, it’s difficult to know what a person needs.
Of course everyone handles life’s curves differently, and some people can take everything in stride better than others. But you never know just how someone’s going to react to a tragic event. A coworker of mine very recently lost her little brother. He was 26-years-old, with two kids, when he was killed in a motorcycle accident on the highway two weeks ago.
My coworker returned to work this week, and everyone felt uneasy around her. It’s the saddest thing ever, and all we could do was “be there for her,” as worthless as that sounds. We all signed a card, basically saying the same things. “If there’s anything I can do …,” “our thoughts and prayers are with you…,” and so on.
I just feel so useless when someone I know experiences a horrible event. All that family is going to hear for a long time is, “so sorry for your loss.” Maybe it’s just me, but that would get old quick. It’s sweet people want to be a source of comfort, but it’s hard to know if you’re helping at all.
I guess in times of turmoil, all you can do is just be a pair of ears, a shoulder to cry on and a lending hand. A good friend once told me, she wouldn’t have made it through her father’s death without her friends … What on earth did we do?! We just hung out with her a lot, because we didn’t want her to be alone. We weren’t strong by any means; there were times when I cried right along with her.
The loving people of a community always brings food in the event of a death. They send cards and flowers. Some even drop by to “see how you’re doing.” And I guess that’s all you’re supposed to do.
Coming from someone who would anything for a laugh, it’s the worst feeling in the world to not be able to make someone’s pain go away. I guess if I could, I’d be a lot more popular. But what I see is that when life gets you down; such as when we lose a loved one, it makes you realize what relationships are truly important to you. And generally that awful loss strengthens those relationships and makes them even more special.
If you’ve ever “been there” for someone, thank you.
Rebecca Haines is a columnist for The Carthage Press
