Flipping through the calendar made me realize April 15 is three weeks away, we're down to 10 Idols, and I haven't updated the Spitzionary once this year. How is this possible?
Flipping through the calendar made me realize April 15 is three weeks away, we're down to 10 American Idols, and I haven't updated the Spitzionary once this year.
How is this possible?
I'm all about upholding traditions. Like complaining about taxes. And forcing my family to watch "American Idol" against their will. And making sure the Spitzionary comes out on time.
Chalk it up to March Madness, I guess.
MARCH MADNESS: A weather forecast of 60 degrees this afternoon and snow tomorrow morning.
NERVOUS BRACKDOWN: What office-pool bettors have at the beginning of each March Madness NCAA game. (Did I put Cornell in the right bracket? Dear Lord, don't let that insufferable so-and-so in accounting be the big winner here.)
EMOTIONAL BRACKDOWN: What office-pool prognosticators who picked Kansas to go all the way had last Saturday. (Also experienced by those with high hopes for Wisconsin.)
BARGAIN BREAKDOWN: The uncontrollable impulse to detail exactly how much you saved on a purchase, thanks to savvy shopping and coupons, and the need to have your excellent hunter-gatherer skills recognized and praised.
WATERFRONT PROPERTY: Description added to thousands of homes when rain flooded the region, lawns became lakes, and Route 9 looked more like a shipping lane than a carpool conduit.
JUST MARKEYING TIME UNTIL SPRING: We may be used to the idea Daylight Saving Time starts two weeks early, thanks to Rep. Ed Markey's legislative initiative that took effect three years ago, but we still can't get used to the idea spring doesn't really arrive until May. Unless it's like last year, when the season made a brief appearance in August.
SURLY SIGN OF SPRING: Town election signs pop up, then mysteriously disappear amidst allegations of master plans to derail a candidate's run.
SURILY YOU JEST: The head-slap realization that yet another tabloid magazine cover is devoted to what Suri Cruise, 3-year-old daughter of actors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, is wearing this week.
SOX BROKE-ERS: Ticket resale agencies that received the bad news: Even in loyal Red Sox Nation, fans aren't desperate to pay hundreds of dollars for seats at Opening Night on Easter Sunday. Even if it is against the Yankees, we're holding out for Opening Day. And some hope of not having to sell our homes to buy a ticket.
UNHEALTH CLINIC: A refresher course on how ugly the sausage- and pork-making process to get a bill through Congress really is.
CONSCIENCINESS: A state of mind that involves some truthiness, but not timeliness. It was documented in Framingham last weekend when a man called police and asked them to come and arrest him. But he waited to make the call until after he allegedly choked and slapped his girlfriend and threatened to kill her. Then, according to police, he asked them to make up a serious crime to charge him with so he'd be kept in jail and away from his girlfriend, apparently suspecting attempted murder wouldn't do the trick.
No need to make up anything, though. His wish to stay in jail was granted, at least for a few days, thanks to the fact his weekend arrest was a violation of his probation stemming from an arrest the week before.
FORWARD THINKING: Thinking the e-mail you've received would be amusing to everybody you've ever met, and forwarding accordingly.
FOURWARD THINKING: The four categories all forwarded e-mails fall into: Conspiracy theory, old-fashioned chain letter, inspiring tales of faith, and proof you're getting old.
BIDE LANGUAGE: Vice President Joe Biden's native tongue.
BIDE TIMING: The ability to find an open mike, even while hopping about with your foot in your mouth.
BREAKING ONE'S SILENCE: Throwing a friend under the bus in hopes of an interview with Oprah. Or Jerry Springer. Or most anyone, for that matter.
IDOLING ENGINE: The sputtering and choking of this season's "American Idol." The whole thing's pitchy, dawg.
BAIT AND SPITZ: Luring you into a column, then changing topics along the way.
MetroWest Daily News writer Julia Spitz can be reached at 508-626-3968 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Check metrowestdailynews.com or milforddailynews.com for the Spitz Bits blog.